Starring: The usual suspects but even Jessica Alba can't save it this time.
Story: The Fantastic Four come to terms with their new-found fame while attempting to stop the Earth being eaten.
Comments: The Fantastic Four is turning into the archetypal modern superhero franchise. The first film was OK but took ages to get going and had too much angst and not enough smashing. This second film builds on that by taking ages to get going and adding more angst. Great. Rather than increasing the frequency of action scenes, it has more complex, CGI-heavy action scenes.
No, no , no , no, NO!
Less nonsense, please. More smashing.
Expect a third and final installment in a year or so. It will feature less angst, even more CGI and at least one of the main characters being turned evil. Someone will probably die.
None of us will care, though.
Conclusion: Watch Die Hard 4.0 again rather than this.
Explosions: Not enough.
The Human Torch: Irritating.
Invisible Girl: Bored.
Mr Fantastic: Ropey.
The Thing: All but forgotten.
Consuming question: What did they do to Jessica Alba's hair?
Note to makers of future superhero films: Faster pace, better plot, less angst, more smashing. Still. Thank you.